Bedroom Banter Lover Gifts

'I hate it when you take that conversational tone with me.'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"No. You turn over."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Bed Fellow

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Bob would learn the hard way that dogs are color-blind.

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

'Here comes Ted.'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

101 Positions/101 Excuses