Bedroom Banter Lover Gifts

'I hate it when you take that conversational tone with me.'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"No. You turn over."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Bed Fellow

Bob would learn the hard way that dogs are color-blind.

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'My member requires some interest.'

"Honey are you asleep?" "I am now."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

101 Positions/101 Excuses