Bedside Banter Lover Gifts

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

The Gilmore Girls

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Cold caller.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Here comes Ted.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

101 Positions/101 Excuses

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."