Bedside Manner Aficionado Gifts

Bedside manner could determine quality points.

"Talk nerdy to me."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I feel your pain level."

Doctors Discussion

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers

"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"The doctor is a little squeamish, so don't mention anything gross."

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"