Bedtime Banter Gifts

'You won't register this as 'members interests' will you?'

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

Soldiers climb into bed.

'George, can't you forget that you're a psychiatrist for once and come to bed?!'

Late night teddy reading

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'