Bedtime Entertainer Gifts

'Thank you for joining me for tonight's slide flute recital!'

'Almost done.'

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

Bed Seasons

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Name your sources."

"No. You turn over."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'