Bedtime Advocate Gifts

A child with his mother and a doctor.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Swan Fairy Tales

'Where was the TSA?'

'What's play?'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"Time for bed, guys."

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'Here is is. 'Vicarious: imagined participation in another's experience' ... it doesn't mean you actually get to play on your son's team.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'And you thought you grew big pumpkins.'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'