Bedtime Routine Specialist Gifts

'Okay, one book. But if I catch you skipping pages we start over.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

Bedtime story.

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"Read it again, Daddy!"