Bedtime Routine Specialist Pillows

'Okay, one book. But if I catch you skipping pages we start over.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Bedtime story.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I love wearing a sleeper. It's like I can walk around tucked in."