Bedtime Routine Architect Pillows

"Tell me a story Mommy!"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Mind if I read a little?"

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

Please take them off