Bedtime Routine Enthusiast Pillows

'Wait, I know. G'night Danny, don't let the bed bugs bite, Danny. We regret having to raise you to level orange, Danny...'

"Do you think you and Daddy might be brave enough to sleep in your own bed tonight?"

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

Please take them off

'You promised me three stories, Dad. That doesn't count as three stories.'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."