Bedtime Routine Strategist Pillows

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"I thought it was just the cap that was child-resistant."

The Force of Example.

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Mind if I read a little?"

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

" 'Goodnight room. Goodnight moon.' "