Bedtime Routines Pillows

'Let's get a few things straight. No speed reading, no silly voices, no skipping pages...'

'Night,night,sleep tight,and hope the monsters under your bed don't bite.'

"Mind if I read a little?"

'I came untucked.'

'Wait, I know. G'night Danny, don't let the bed bugs bite, Danny. We regret having to raise you to level orange, Danny...'

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

'Certainly not, Philip! And calling me Babe will get you nowhere!'

"I'll plug you in, tell you a bedtime algorithm, then LEDs out."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"I'm not sure if this is getting through and I don't know what time you finish for the day...."

"But I'm not even tir..."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"We should get a lot of money from the tooth fairy. I set out grandpa's false teeth!"

"You were right, honey, she was tired... I only had to read six books to her tonight!"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"See? There's no monster in the corner—it's just a pile of old skulls."

'Thank you gungha din!'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'She's tricky.'

"If I read one sentence a night, I might finish it before I die."

The Force of Example.

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Please take them off

"After the fourth reading of 'Knuffle Bunny,' Ed went 'old school'... You are getting very, very sleepy... so sleepy..."

"No, no, boy. It's Tuesday. Wednesdays are your nights to sleep on the big bed."

Counting Sheep

"I have to get up early, so I'm gonna go to bed now and lay there wide awake until I would normally go to bed."

"I lost my reading glasses, so pick something wordless."

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"