Child's Bedtime Routine Pillows

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

Bedtime story.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'