Child's Bedtime Routine T-Shirts

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Bedtime story.

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."