Bedtime Routine Master Pillows

"I lost my reading glasses, so pick something wordless."

'Time for bed.'

"Mom" Dad! I got dressed and brushed my teeth! Can I go outside and play?!"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

Bedtime story.

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."