Bedtime Routine Architect Gifts

"Tell me a story Mommy!"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"Read it again, Daddy!"

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'... I couldn't remember if I had switched off the light!'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Unable to get going each day without her dose of Katie Couric, Lois shifted her schedule to be in sync with the star's new evening news job.

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Mind if I read a little?"

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story