Bedtime Routine Enhancement Gifts

"He's afraid of heights."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Late night teddy reading

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

Bedtime story.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."