Bedtime Routine Gifts

'Can you read the story with more enthusiasm? You're putting me to sleep.'

"...went to sleep. And then Mr. Donkey became very quiet and drowsy and he went to sleep. And then Miss Mouse became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then Mrs. Bear became very quiet and drowsy and she went to sleep. And then..."

"Just give me the broad strokes."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"Can you tell me a story?"

"That's my favorite story. But tonight I'd like to hear both sides."

"Mommy, you forgot to tweet me good night."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'My mom read me Alice in Wonderland last night. That's the same woman that said the Easter bunny was imaginary.'

"Shouldn't you be reading that to me out loud or something?"

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'I'm getting sleepy. Can you text me the remainder of the story?'

'Can you read the story with more enthusiasm? You're putting me to sleep.'

"Well he was a wizard before he was a doctor."

"It was just a bad dream darling. See, the moon's still here. You can go back to sleep now..."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

'Mom, will you play me a bedtime story on tape?'

'...and then the wicked witch cast a spell, turning the beautiful princess into a freckled, chubby, little girl.'

'I don't have a bedtime story, how about a news bulletin? . . . No, no, that would keep you awake.'

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

'I'm really getting tired. How about a spoiler alert?'

'You don't realise how big the children are getting until you try to get them to go to bed!'

"And they both lived happily ever after up until the moment their meds wore off."

'Do you look in the mirror after you wash?'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Ok, Timmy! Ok! I'll go out to see the great big scary blob from outer space that landed in our back yard, if you promise to come right back here and get ready for bed!"

'This 'once-upon-a-time...' Was it yesterday, this morning, a hundred years ago, or what?'

'Sweet dreams Darling: Have a good day...'

'Could you hit rewind on that last part?'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"Before you kiss me good night, will you promise me there's no Kiss-Cam showing it somewhere?"

How comedians get their kids to sleep.

"Do you want this with or without spoiler alerts?"

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"