Bedtime Routine Masters Gifts

"Teddy wants a glass of water."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

Bedtime story.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

"Give us a minute, honey."