Bedtime Routine Masters Gifts

"Teddy wants a glass of water."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'So how do you manage such a close shave?' 'Simple,i wait till the very last second.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

Bedtime story.

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."