Children's Academic Milestones Gifts

'Your punishment for not making the honor roll this quarter is to scrape off the bumper sticker.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

One!

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

Eagle parenting.

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Dominant hand reveal party

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Sparkler

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"

"I'm too old for baby limas."

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'What do you think you're up to?'

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"