Children's Academic Milestones Pillows

'Your punishment for not making the honor roll this quarter is to scrape off the bumper sticker.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

'Baby's first two-step.'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Sparkler

Eagle parenting.

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Dominant hand reveal party

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'What do you think you're up to?'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

Haircuts

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"