Educational Milestones Pillows

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"When did she start crawling?"

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"We just got our online schooling exam results..."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Sparkler

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"Don't be a dummy, Justin - You gotta learn your ABC's so you can Google stuff."

'Oh Darling, I'm so proud! I wish I could give you a big hug!'

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"Mommy wants you to know where your food comes from."

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'What do you think you're up to?'

It was time for Junior to learn to fly.

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

Haircuts

'Don't you think he's a little to young to take up fishing, Ralph?'