Childrearing Legend Gifts

Happy Mother's Day!

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"How is it gendered?"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

The conversion.

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Does it come with instructions?"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"I couldn't find a sitter."

"Mommy you're perfect!"

"Which one's mine?!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

'I was well-informed, well-adjusted, a useful member of society - then I married.'

'Sign here.'

'I gave them shared parental leave and they left me holding the baby!'

Children Of The Coronavirus

"It's cooties."

"This time can the tooth fairy please just venmo me?"

'Honey it's time to let go and cut the cord. He's a man now! He's going to college for goodness sake!'

"No madam, your baby doesn't have any urinary problems."

"He's still defining his brand."

"You know if I've been naughty or nice? Do you have my phone tapped?