Childrearing Legend Pillows

Happy Mother's Day!

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"How is it gendered?"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

The conversion.

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

"Does it come with instructions?"

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"Mommy you're perfect!"

"I couldn't find a sitter."

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Which one's mine?!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

'Sign here.'

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

'I was well-informed, well-adjusted, a useful member of society - then I married.'

'I gave them shared parental leave and they left me holding the baby!'

"What part of this don't you understand?"

I think she's about to say her first word!

"It's cooties."

Children Of The Coronavirus

Baby on a potty holding up a No.2 sign.

"This time can the tooth fairy please just venmo me?"

'Honey it's time to let go and cut the cord. He's a man now! He's going to college for goodness sake!'

"No madam, your baby doesn't have any urinary problems."

"He's still defining his brand."