Childhood Philosopher Gifts

"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."

"Someday I'll hire lots of smart people to work for me."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Somewhere between 4th and 5th grade I lost faith in the process."

"He's growing up too fast. Instead of hearing a fairytale, he wants to know about rights in the workplace."

"I'm focusing less on girls and more on accumulating the things girls will eventually want."

'I suppose adults are just obsolete children...'

'So what if we're in the best preschool? How can we go anywhere in life if we don't yet have maxed out credit cards?'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

'You can't win -- Just when you get good at the third grade, they put you in the fourth!'

"Why do grown-ups send you to bed when you're wide awake and get you up when you want to sleep?"

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

Playdough's The Republic

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

I think I can, I think I can ... therefore I think I am...

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

A young positivist.

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'