Childhood Mischief Lover Gifts

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"It didn't work -- My imaginary playmate refused to take the rap."

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

Playing pig

'Get up or I'm sending in the cat.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

The Tooth Ferret

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

Halloween health & safety.

Obstruction of justice? Yeah, I can give you something for that.

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."

"Dad's half asleep. He was using the fly swatter to flip the pancakes."

Hey, wait a sec … Forget it! If you think I'm letting you off the hook for forgetting our anniversary, think again! Didn't you also accuse me of forgetting it just a couple of months ago? What date were we hitched? Don't change the subject.

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

Why is your two-year old so quiet?

Urine sample

HMS Pinafore

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

'They get along beautifully. The dog thinks he's a cat, and the cat thinks she's a dog.'

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

A Foot Guard being teased by children.

"Worst case of hypochondria I've ever seen."

'Mom, Jason is making negative robocalls about me!'

'I guess I should have let sleeping dogs lie.'

The Cornucopia Trap

"They think I made them in MY image? How did they get THAT idea?"

'The postman woke me up at five this morning... That's the last time I sleep with him.'

'That's the last time I go there - Bagpipes and Karaoke just don't mix!'

Next year Timmy gets socks for his birthday