Child-wrangling Warriors Gifts

We're off now, thanks for sitting,,,

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

A mum trying to dry an excited child

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Pinata good bags.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"She cries when I give it to her, she cries when I take it away."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"