Child Wrangling Warrior Gifts

"They can run but they won't be able to hide."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Parenting Business Deals

A mum trying to dry an excited child

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'That never gets old.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Quiet Time

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'