Child Wrangling Master Gifts

'When mime children touch the walls with dirty hands.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Food deliverer's baby.

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Beware of teething baby.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

A mum trying to dry an excited child

The Working Mum

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

Babies

'Gee, Dad, Mom's getting better at this all the time!'

"They can run but they won't be able to hide."

"Finally. The baby's asleep, the washing's done, I've finished cleaning the house..."

'I juggle a family, a career, and three cell phones.'

Rocking Chairs

I'm fed up with cleaning your room! From now on, wipe your feet!

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

"Among them, my children have eighteen years of accumulated experience harassing their mother!"

'I'm about to throw a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Talk about tough days.'

Why children, apples and honey should not be left unsupervised.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

Tantrum Scene Do Not Cross

'He's at the 'terrible twos' stage.'

Tangled Web We Weave Construction -Remodeling : multi-tasking spider on phones and compiter.

Mother leaves house with lawnmower: 'Have I forgotten something?' Father trying to mow lawn with baby buggy: 'Wait a minute!'

"That's fathering."