Patient Wrangling Warrior Gifts

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

La Table

The Cougher

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Been waiting long?'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"I can't stop licking my boo-boo."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."

Doctor's house visit "What's made him worse since I phoned Doctor was worrying about the cost of a house call"

Polio - The Comeback Kid

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"They can run but they won't be able to hide."

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

'It says take all your medication - if you can afford it.'

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

The New Age Dentist.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'I'll take #1.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

If you thought that congress was going to work to drive down prescription drugs costs. . . dream on.

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"He fought like hell."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

"The lines are a bit slow today...so here's something to help pass the time!"

"The doctor would like to know if anyone else out here needs surgery before he puts his stuff away."

"You appear to have caught that bug that's been going around my waiting room."

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"