Patient Phone Warrior Gifts

'Yes I'll hold - but only to Greensleeves.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

'It says take all your medication - if you can afford it.'

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'The good news is it's curable, the bad news is you can't afford it.'

Call Center.

"My, aren't we patient-oriented this morning."

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

If you thought that congress was going to work to drive down prescription drugs costs. . . dream on.

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

Wal Max - Complaints Department

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

Emergency room notice - 'Wait hours, or go home'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupuncture needles should go?"

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"I'm no longer afraid of doctors. It�s the medical insurance men that frighten me!"

"Relax. I'm not here to administer last rites, but to help you pray your insurance will cover all!"

'IRS Help Hot Line. While you're on hold for the next 23 hours, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

"I've asked you repeatedly not to startle me when I'm working!"

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

Supporting Health Officials