Telephone Warrior Gifts

"We're taking a survey. How do you feel about telemarketing?"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

Your estimated wait-time is for us to know and you to find out.

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

"No, he's not on any antidepressants. His euphoric mood is coming from me installing a robocall blocker on his phone."

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

Cyberwarfare

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"It's a really cool game! You're Bill Gates, and you have to fight off the evil agents of the Justice Department before they destroy your planet."

"He's joined a whatsapp group for fans of Matt Hancock's Whatsapp messages."

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

Call Center.

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

"Pull over and check your phone" "Once more for good luck" "Maybe just another teensy look"

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'Your reign of terror is over evil dragon, for I have slain your internet service provider!'

'This is the technical support. To become connected to a service agent, please press the root of 576081, divided by three, times one point seven, mins 429.1.'

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

Hold, Hold, Hold, What you imagine all the phones look like at technical support.

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

'I hope you don't mind me breaking up with you via text message.'

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

'Stop phoning me at work. I don't care if you have got a technical problem!'

Viruses on mobile phones.

Tarzan fights mouse.

The search for common ground.

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'The virus is that bad, huh?'