Child Wrangling Warrior T-Shirts

"They can run but they won't be able to hide."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

That's my daughter, Alayna

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Parenting Business Deals

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

A mum trying to dry an excited child

'That never gets old.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Quiet Time

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."