Chess Commentator Gifts

'Excuse me for staring, but we don't get to see a lot of royalty around these parts.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

'Cartoonist thinking'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Target your message

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Egguy JUMP!! 62 Eggs like this. Gr'Egg LOL. M'Egg OMG so funny!!!!! 3.

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

A gorilla plays chess with his keeper.

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Sir Patrick Moore.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'I can not get this game, the pieces all move like cats.'

Tree of Public Opinion.

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

Man playing chess from his parked car.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Kosovo.