Game Show Commentator Gifts

'Press the red button for the 'no grunt' option...'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2