Chemical Skeptics Gifts

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

Alternative Medicine

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"Gramps, you were alive before everyone knew what you were doing on social media... What was that called?" "Bliss!"

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Whatever happened to throwing Frisbees around?"

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

Documentation Please

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."