Chemical Skeptic Gifts

'I removed the sugar, artificial flavors, coloring, preservatives, and additives. Now the eight ounce box weighs four ounces.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

Alternative Medicine

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Privacy

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"Tarzan no want computer."

Diner is served

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."