Chemical Chuckler Gifts

'The chloride co. wants to merge with us. They think we can make salt together.'

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Mr. Stilz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask Kelley to ask Dawn to ask Lisa to tell you he'd like to see you in his office."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow finally landed on the moon.

Keyboard in Heaven

He's very defensive about his personal space.

'They come down here to smoke.'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

"Wow, that thing is bright! Glad we wore our sunglasses!"

"Check it out. Nirvana. And on my phone, no less."

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

"Still fat."