Numerical Chucklers Gifts

"Will you help me round up my 38 sheep?" Yes, 40.

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

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'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

'Bless you!'

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

"I keep getting into a flap."

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet