Cynical Chucklers Gifts

"There's only one of them roaming around now. The others are in self-isolation."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'...and on that you have my word.'

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"My glass is half empty"

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

'Bless you!'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'