Cynical Jokers Gifts

The Devil's Workshop

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Artist Painting his Television.

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"But is it art ?"

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

Oink.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'

'Some words of wisdom son, crime does't pay. However...business crime does!'

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'