Pessimist Chucklers Gifts

"My glass is half empty"

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Tom's last day.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

This will be a banner day for you!

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'Look at that lunatic...'

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

"You really don't need a good life, just a great obituary writer."

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'