Numerical Chucklers T-Shirts

"Will you help me round up my 38 sheep?" Yes, 40.

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

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"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"Still fat."

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet