Chemical Chucklehead Gifts

'What do you mean, using chemicals coming from green drums doesn't count as organic production?!'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Mr. Stilz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask Kelley to ask Dawn to ask Lisa to tell you he'd like to see you in his office."

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow finally landed on the moon.

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

"Wow, that thing is bright! Glad we wore our sunglasses!"

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

"Check it out. Nirvana. And on my phone, no less."

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"...so he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, "All right, potassium chloride.""

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'