Chef's Apprentice T-Shirts

Will work for Food Network.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Turkey Autopsy

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Boy baking a cake.

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boys Cooking

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

French bread

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

'Too much salt!'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Just call me Delia...'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'We were playing Doctor and I was sterilizing the gloves.'

'He says he's training to be a world champion weightlifter - With a knife and fork.'

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Remember, never put all your eggs into one omelet."