Cheerful Commentator Gifts

'Showed me up you did, the only one politely applauding and wearing a tie!'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Doom & Gloom

Justice for a heckler.

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

People want as much government as they deserve.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

GPs press for sick note reform

'I'm just reaching my sexual innuendo peak.'

Superiority of Cats.