Cheeky Sleeper Gifts

'I can't talk. Sanctions are in effect.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

Sticking out tongue

'We're very proud of our little Charlie. His reading is far in advance of his chronological age....'

"I do diet...between snacks."

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

'Since we got this round bed, I've been waking up dizzy every morning!'

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

"Your dump or mine..?"

Library - Cats for Dummies.

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

Boy about to poke a man from behid with a stick after having seen a pantomime

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

Book ratings.

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"I used to be taller. I tend to grind when I sleep."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Clean Fill Wanted

Sorry, I'm too ill to come in today. More medicine please, nurse.

"By breaking the seal on this dress, you accept the terms and conditions printed on my panties."