Cheeky Local Pillows

"I'm only going to t'pub out of a sense of duty - the landlord saw me walk past t'other day on my way t' Red lion."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

Sticking out tongue

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"Your dump or mine..?"

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'Big Issue!'

Thong World.

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"Bring me a tit, and make it snappy."

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

Easter Island

Clean Fill Wanted

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

How very Hampstead!

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

Football Fantasies