Cheeky Local Gifts

"I'm only going to t'pub out of a sense of duty - the landlord saw me walk past t'other day on my way t' Red lion."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

Sticking out tongue

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

Thong World.

"Your dump or mine..?"

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"Bring me a tit, and make it snappy."

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

Easter Island

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

Football Fantasies

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

Clean Fill Wanted

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

How very Hampstead!