Cheeky Chef Gifts

'Nice try...'

Rat with a suggestion for a messy kitchen.

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Bangers and Mash

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Amy Sedaris

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Tastes great, less killing!"

Sticking out tongue

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Artichoking victim

Christmas Canapes

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

'What the devil is that?

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

101 things to do with lutefisk.

'Uh yeah, it's supposed to be like that... it's a... it's a new invention.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

"What are you making, Tia Carmen?"